pieces

I'm in the process of packing up my room and transitioning into a new living situation, which I am totally excited about (fill you in later).

In the process I came across some stuff I worked on while in treatment two years ago. One of which was a brochure they had us make about ourselves, full of our interests, activities, or really just whatever we wanted people to know about us. The catch was that it had to be truthful, not just what we would want people to think about us, but who we really were, what went on in our heads, what we really cared about in life.

It was interesting for me to look back on my brochure that I shared with the group that day. I titled my brochure "Just Jennie (w/ an ie)" and sub titled it "pieces of me" with a big puzzle piece on the front (I'm sure Ashley Simpson appreciates my originality).

I wanted to share my findings with you. So... here are some of the pieces of JJ... Just Jennie (with an ie)... from two years ago. Some of the pieces remain, some have been lost along the way, and as always, they're are definitely some more to be found.



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Cover:

Jennie Joy Barrows

Also known as "JJ" to the fam!

Inside:

Interests:
Traveling, Spanish, art, music, learning, God, nutrition, health, history, the Bible, the piano.

I try to read, I usually don't get to far. I try to journal, that's tough too. I like all kinds of music, all kinds of movies- my favorite of which would be Walk the Line.

I love gum and am going through withdrawal (not allowed in treatment).
I love writing letters.


Activities:
Running, working out, painting, drawing, playing guitar, singing, surfing, traveling, baking, playing with my pup, I love sports!

I love... sunsets, sunrise, going to the beach, laying out, riding my bike, outdoor activities, the snow in the winter, the flowers in the spring, taking pictures, I love Christmas.

I love... working with high school girls at home and taking them places, sometimes I like shopping, sometimes I hate it (I hate trying clothes on). I love Starbucks as well as chocolate but have pretended to hate it the last few years.

I love peanut butter and Dean Martin.


Info:
I have potential to be funny and outgoing, but I usually hide who I am. I have potential to lie to you and tell you I'm fine when I'm not.

I am unhealthily obsessed with food and issues of weight, and could use any support in this area.

I am a middle child of 4 (literally, the younger 2 are twins), which may explain the way that I am.

I love my family and love family vacations, family dinners, and family holidays.

If I were a food, I would be tofu.

On Back:
I've lived in Pawleys Island, SC since I was born (23 years). I've only ever worked in retail or babysitting. I graduated from college in May, but don't have a full time job like most of my friends. If I wasn't in treatment right now I would (literally) be in Lake Tahoe, CA probably snowboarding and enjoying hot chocolate with a double shot of baileys.

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I can't help but laugh at the last statement... sort of. Before entering treatment of 07' I was supposed to go on a ski trip with a family (with 4 kids) as their babysitter, which I had also done with them the year before. My eating disorder plagued me that first year I went, but they had no idea. I tried to be as fun as I could, and I loved those kids (and still do), but every night I went into my bathroom to throw up, crawled in bed, cried myself to sleep, and dreaded waking up in the morning.

Truth be told, when it came time to put the kids to bed, I didn't want to. A few times I fell asleep in the girls room because I felt safe. I was the baby sitter, yet I was the one who felt safe when they asked me to lay down with them until they fell asleep. They had no idea how much I wanted to lay down with them until I fell asleep.

I called the mom of the family a week before entering treatment (2 weeks before the trip) to tell her I couldn't make the ski trip this year. I was terrified. I knew I would be letting them all down (especially seeing as they had already bought my plane ticket), and I wanted so badly to fake it and go with them anyway, but I also knew there was no way I could keep it together this time. I had to make that call.

I prayed, and I cried, and I called.

I told her the truth. I told her everything.

She listened. And then she told me the truth. She told me everything.

She told me about her own struggle with an eating disorder in high school and college. She told me she had been where I had been and she had walked in my shoes. She told me that she loved me and supported me and wanted more than anything for me to get better. She told me to call her when I needed help and to write her when I felt alone.

When I got off the phone with her I just cried. I cried and I cried and I cried. Mind you, this was the beginning of my whole journey, and the first time I was being honest with people about my problems, so I had no idea how they were going to respond.

Of all the people I told about going to treatment, it was her response that stuck with me the most; that encouraged me the most; that i least expected and was most grateful for.

People had told me they loved me and supported me, but she was the first person to tell me she had been in my shoes, and it shocked me. It shocked me! It overwhelmed me! And it gave me hope!

The very weekend that I made that brochure about myself was the very weekend I was supposed to be in Lake Tahoe with her family. I was so angry I couldn't be there with them, but I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be. And I knew she felt the same way.

So, here's to my friend, a mother of four, a hard working woman, and an inspiration to me...

Thank you!

I say all this because I don't think you know. I don't think you know the impact you had on me.

The weekend you skied, I sat in treatment and I made this brochure... all the while thinking of you, and your family.

I'm not the same girl I was that weekend in Feburary, two years ago, but I still think about you.

I still love Dean Martin and sunsets. I usually miss the sunrise, but I know it's beautiful. The beach is still my favorite place, though I don't have one to go to up here. The snow is beautiful, but I have to be honest, I'm glad it's melting. I can't wait for the flowers, the bike rides, and the outdoor activities of spring. I very openly love chocolate, and I now work at Starbucks (God has a sense of humor). Most importantly, I can chew gum whenever I want.

I am in the process of applying to grad school and you were right... God has a plan for me.

I am still hanging in there!

And I still love you!

the big 2!

I can't write much, I'm at work, but I just wanted to take a time out to say...

GO ME!

2 years ago today I entered treatment. 2 years ago today my recovery journey began.

Today I have 2 years.

GO ME!

except for one minor detail... I missed my therapy appointment today.

oops!

but I still got 2 years!!!!