creating beauty

Some of these photographs are not my own, but ones taken by dear friends and loved ones. In addition, some of these photographs are my own and I was blessed to actually come face to face and spend time with the ones I photographed. I love the diversity of the people portrayed, as well as the differences in each of their stories, but most of all I love the bond that all of us (sometimes unknowingly) share... the deep human need to be loved.

Not just these people, but all people, people we know and love, people we often overlook, are all so beautiful in ways that not even we as humans can comprehend.

I want to try harder to look for the beauty in people... all people. Whether we admit it or not, all of us were created in the very image of God, who sees Christ Himself when He looks at us.

Jesus is not religion, Jesus is love. As you look at all of these photos, I hope you see Jesus in each and every face.

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

-Isaiah 40:28*

*emphasis added

300

As dorky as it may sound, I hate essay questions that limit the amount of words you can respond in. I understand that admissions boards across the U.S. don't have time to read a novel written by each and every student who wants to attend their school, but sometimes (again, as dorky as it may sound) I dream about being the one small exception to this word count rule and write endlessly about every reason why I want to attend said school and every step in life that has led me to that decision.

I need to get better dreams.

In one particular application for an art school (one I'm still hoping to hear from), I was asked when it was I first got involved in the arts and why it was I wanted to pursue a degree in art. Excited to answer yet disappointed about my maximum 300 word limit, I tried to figure out how to fit a lifetime love of art and an unceasing desire to express my creativity into one small paragraph.

Unsatisfied with any and everything that I wrote because I felt like I couldn't fully express how I felt, I finally threw together the best summation I thought I was going to get out of having such a small word limit.

My answer about the when's and the why's of art and art school was as follows...


"I have loved the arts for as long as I can remember. From coloring on my bedroom wall to arranging bubblegum I stuck under my mother's coffee table to make it look like a hidden galaxy (I got in trouble for that one), I have been coloring, creating, crafting and painting ever since I was little. My love for art grew as I entered middle and high school and much to my mother's excitement I abandoned the bottom of her coffee table and discovered the canvas. Art is the one of the few things that has remained consistent in my life. No matter where I have moved, the changes I have made, the relationships I have built or sometimes lost, art has always been a constant friend allowing me to express myself through the ups and downs on this roller-coaster of life. Unfortunately, I listened to a number of voices throughout the years that said I would never be able to accomplish anything with art, so I pursued a corporate communications degree. As a college graduate, I constantly hear that I should move on and be successful in the corporate world; and while I understand the thought process behind this thinking, I can no longer continue to ignore the creative voice within me that screams to be unleashed. I would even love to learn how to incorporate my passion for art with my hard-earned communications degree. I can honestly say I don’t know what my career options are as an artist, but I so badly desire to learn and be part of a community where I am encouraged to develop the talents and gifts I know I have been given in the area of art and creativity. Art makes me feel alive and I want to start living more abundantly."

300 words exactly. To be honest, I was more impressed with making the word count than my actual answer, but I find myself satisfied nonetheless. It may not be the answer some people are looking for, but it's the truth, and that's pretty much all I've got to write about.


I'll keep you up to date as the details unfold.

pretzels with mustard

On June 2nd of this year I received an acceptance letter to the Art Institute of California in San Diego.

On Sunday, June 13th, I turned it down.

I'm still in a bit of shock.

Am I crazy? San Diego, California?

Don't get me wrong, I love Chicago, but I hate the winters. Seeing as how winter is the prominent season here lasting for about half of the year, I love Chicago about 50% of the time. With the weather warming up and the sun coming out, I have officially began my love fest with Chicago and am pleased as a pretzel covered in mustard to be living here. (That's a good thing for those of you who are wondering. I also like cream cheese on my pretzels.)

None the less... California? It's been a dream of mine to live on the coast of California for at least one, if even a short one, season of my life. None the less, I don't think it is time for that season just quite yet. I researched everything from food to churches, but mostly the cost of living, and it was at that point that I mustered up my best Italian accent and blurted out... "heeey, forget about it!"

I will get there one day, but seeing as I'm only 26 with a whole life a head of me and a lot of debt in front of me, I decided I should stay put (for now) and pay off my debt. Only when I'm debt free can I live completely care free on the coast of California.

With my lease being up in August, a decision to make about Moody, and the thought of California behind me, I recently thought it would be a great idea to add another major decision to my already full plate... I may not be going to California, but what's to stop me from going to art school (other than that four letter d-word... debt!)?

Now, before some of you go all corporate on me, hear me out...



tomorrow.

I gotta go to bed so I can wake up at an ungodly hour to serve coffee and steam milk, but no worries...

along with my internet, the blog-a-day challenge is back on!


to be continued...

without

I don't know why I've been on a seemingly never-ending hiatus from reading Scripture, but today I revisited my dear old friend I'd left sitting on a homemade bookshelf for so long and found comfort in the truths that I had long forgotten.

It's easy to take on the "I don't need to read Scripture everyday because God loves me anyway" stance, because let's face it, it's true. But what I've come to realize (time and time again) is that no matter how true that may be, no matter how deeply, madly and passionately God may love me despite all my mishaps and forgetfulness of His word, I go crazy without it.

I go crazy without relying heavily on the truth He longs for me to listen to day in and day out. I don't care what psychiatrist, therapist, nutritionist, herbalist, naturalist, whatever-ist doctor may say... NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING sustains me like His word.

I don't know how it is that I manage to forget so often, but no matter how many times it takes me to come crawling back and beg for forgiveness, I pray that I never forget the beauty of His word and the power of redemption that is found within.

I'm not here to convince anyone of the power of Scripture. I'm here to claim it's victory in my life... time and time again. Even when it seems that all is lost, there is peace in reading God's promises.

I feel as though I'm at a crossroads at this point in my life; my future lays ahead of me and there are decisions waiting to be made. I've had the hardest time the last few weeks feeling as if I'm even capable of making such decisions. I think I may even be putting more pressure and stress on myself than is actually necessary (if any is necessary at all), but I find myself desperate for clarity.

Once again, today I wore myself out with the stress. I retreated to the only place I feel peace from the chaos of life and the stress of making decisions... sleep. I took a long nap and dreaded the thought of waking up again only to deal with the decisions that would still be there when I awoke.

Sure enough, I awoke, and there they were... staring me in the face. I left my apartment and decided to walk about the city. Once outside, I immediately hated my decision... the large crowds and all the honking began to stress me out even more. Where can I go to get quiet without having to fall asleep?

After a bit I walked back to my apartment and I pulled out my Bible. I sat on my couch dreading the decision of what I would even read. I would love to say I just opened my Bible and there before me was the very verse I was waiting to hear to solve all the answers to my "problems," but that didn't happen. In fact, I think that rarely happens, so if it doesn't often or even ever happen to you, don't feel bad.

It's not you, it's life. Some things aren't always laid before us... we have to search for them.

After not searching hard, but searching more than I thought I would have to since the clouds didn't part and the light didn't shine down on the perfect verse for me to read, I finally settled on Psalm 34.

It was (and still is if you read it) beautiful.

I pulled out a big sketch pad and began to take notes. Over and over again I not only wrote down God's promises, but I wrote down my part in receiving those promises. One of the footnotes about this particular Psalm stated "God promises great blessings to His people, but many of these blessings require active participation."

I realized that I so often want God's blessings without ever having to do anything for them. I know I don't have to earn God's love, I'm not saying that, but I am saying that if I expect to receive God's blessings, then I think I need to get off my duff and do something about it.

I so often ask God for peace, and right there in verse 14 of Psalm 34 it says "Search for peace and work to maintain it."*

Search and work...

two things I haven't been doing while expecting God to answer me.

I still have a lot of decisions ahead of me and choices to make without any real direction. I can honestly say that I didn't receive much, if any, clarity tonight, but I'm OK with that. In reading God's word I received something better than clarity, I received peace...

a peace that passes understanding...

a peace without clarity.

scholarships...

I've been looking all over for them.

The trouble is... I'm a single, white, female with no kids (and no, this is not a personal ad).

I'm not going to claim that I know more or even as much as any other race about discrimination, but I have to be honest, it would be easier for me to find a scholarship for school if I was any race but white (or for those who think I should be politically correct, Caucasian). A few of the scholarships I have found that are at least available to white women are for those who are single mothers.

Let me get this straight... in order to get help paying for school, because let's face it, I'm white and apparently all white people are rich and don't need help paying for school, I'm going to have to get pregnant.

I am so frustrated! So, just because I have tried as hard as I can to live out my morals and values, I can't get money for school? And I'm not even saying that my morals and values are the right morals and values by which everyone should live, I'm just saying that I have morals and values that are important to me and I shouldn't be discriminated against for having them. And just because my skin is white and English is my first language, I can't get money for school... in America?

I hate discrimination. I hate it. And I realize that being a English speaking, white woman this is a touchy subject for me write about because what do I know, right? But let me (or Dictionary.com, rather) define discrimination:

Discrimination: treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit.


With that definition in mind, please know that I am not speaking against those of another race or those who are single mothers. I have friends whom I deeply love, some of which are single mothers, and some of which are a different race, who want to go back to school and I am absolutely in full support of them getting scholarship money to do so, not because they are a minority, but because they are individually gifted beyond belief.

I am just saying, just as I would say to my friends, that I too want a fair shot at scholarship money... not because I'm white, but because I know I have talent, and I know I could go far with it if given the chance.



I just want the chance... simply based on individual merit.