the untitled rant

I'm too angry to write.

Something hateful may come out.

This is me having a filter, but this is me being honest, saying, yes... I get angry, really angry.

Angry about injustice, angry about lack of passion, angry at those who don't get angry.

I can't stand Joel Olsteen... just get angry, dude... Jesus did!

You know who I'm talking about? The "preacher" on TV who always smiles and is all about the warm fuzzies and holy hugs and whose message is basically "Jesus wants to make you rich so you can live happily ever after."

Happily ever after happens when we die, a morbid thought to those who don't believe in a God who died as a sacrifice, and rose again so that we might have life and have it to the full, but it's true.

Don't preach about my Jesus and say you never have a bad day. Don't tell me Jesus wants to make me rich.

Jesus wants to give me LIFE...

but I guess it depends on what your definition of life is.

I guess, Joel, that means your definition of life... abundant life... is to be rich... financially successful... wealthy and "happy."

That is so sad to me.

It sure is a good thing you are storing up your treasures here... especially since we can't take them with us.



I know, I know... love wins... God is love... me sitting here typing about Joel Olsteen is no better than him preaching to the masses about a God who smiles all the time... I get it...

I'm called to love Joel... fine.

But I don't like him.

Jesus flipped His lid when the money changers had all their tables set up as a market in/on/outside of the temple. He not only flipped His lid, He flipped their damn tables. Passion for God's house. Passion for what is right. Passion to stand against those who even with the best of intentions just didn't get it and needed to be set straight.

Jesus was a man of Passion.


Where are such men?

And women?

It's not just on the men... it's on women too... where are you? All of you?

Seriously?



I think I am somewhat calmed down to further explain my anger...

It started yesterday.

As I've said before, a group of us go downtown Chicago on Sundays to hang out with our friends who live on the streets. Yesterday we went earlier than normal.

The whole process of the day is a-whole-nother blog in and of itself, so I'll save that for later. I want to talk about the end of the day... or at least the end of our visit.

Our visit ended with everybody (from Naperville) meeting back up in Union Station before leaving to head back. As my friend and I approached the group, I noticed our friend Al was sitting on one of the big, long, brown benches right in the middle of everyone. I smiled when I saw it was him, and he did the same when he saw it was me...

"There she is..." he said, "there's JJ!"

I gave him a hug and asked him how he was doing. He answered in his oh so cheery voice, "I'm doing fine, just fine."

"You staying warm?" I asked, and then plopped down on the floor next to his feet.

He laughed... "I sure am trying."

It wasn't even five minutes after sitting down before I see a cop walk up with a very stern look on his face.

I hear Al mumble under his breath, "oh no, here we go."

The officer doesn't even bother looking anywhere else but straight at Al, and in a very uptight voice loudly questions "if I told you to leave before, why are you still here?"

Anyone who has grown up around women knows that it's all about tone... it's not so much about what you say, but how you say it. Can I get a witness?

This man, to say the least, had tone, and it bothered me, but I didn't say anything... right away.

Al starts to get his stuff together, making it clear he is leaving, but the officer continues...

"If I told you to leave, why are you still here?"

Al continues to gather his things, finally I look up from my Indian style position on the floor and ask "what's the problem?"

The officer blatantly ignores me, and continues to tell Al to leave. I start to stand up and say "NO... WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?

And yes... this is where my tone came in.

The officer looks me in the eye and says he (Al) is not allowed to be in there.

I look him straight back in the eye and ask "why not? He's hanging out with us! This is a public place, if he wants to hang out with us in here he can."

At this point I know the cop is going to B.S. me and tell me that it's not a public place... that it's privately owned (which I verified as not true because I researched it online and found out that, after being owned by four different companies, it is now fully owned by Amtrak, which is a government-owned corporation, whose preferred stock is owned by the U.S. federal Government... not an individual, nor a private corporation. The president of the United States, himself, appoints Amtrak's board of directors).

And I was right... he said just that and said he could tell whoever he wanted to to leave and they had to.

I think cops think they can say whatever they want to and assume you will believe them just because they cops.

Wrong.

Especially not in Illinois, whose own governor was just arrested last week "on charges of conspiracy to swap political favors for cash" (including trying to sell President-Elect Barack Obama's senate seat). Talk about corrupt government.

I actually sincerely do hope Obama had nothing to do with it. When he's president, I'd like to talk to him about this "homeless" thing... or at least Amtrak's board of directors... and how maybe I might be able to get a seat amongst them. And if that doesn't work, then maybe I can get Gov. Blagojevich to sell me a seat, since he refuses to resign.

Anyway... sorry... rabbit trail...

Back to the cop...

I call his bluff and say he can't just tell whoever he wants to that they can leave.

He insists he can and even goes so far as to say that he could walk around the whole train station if he wanted to and ask to see everyone's ticket and if they couldn't present him one that he could tell them to leave.

I tell him to present me with papers and prove that it was a privately owned building in which he had the authority to make whoever he wanted to leave.

He stared me in the eye. So I stared him in the eye and waited for a response. He just smirked, real smug like... "I said he has to leave."

And my tone may have increased at this point... "So you're gonna be that much of a jerk and tell this man to leave, who isn't doing anything, just because he is homeless?"

"Yes, I am ," he says.

"Why?" I ask (in a not so polite manner).

He looks at me and I can see his smirk... "because I can."

He starts to turn around to walk away, and I yell out to him that I hope he sleeps good tonight.

He turns and responds "Oh I sleep just fine," and keeps walking away.

As he walks away I mumble under breath... "asshole."

Am I proud of that? No. I actually didn't want to add that part, I wanted you to think I handled myself maturely... but I didn't.

In that moment, I didn't think about what was mature, I didn't think about WWJD, I just blurted out what I know a majority of the people were thinking... "asshole."

Regardless of who thought it, I'm not proud I said it... I'm actually kind of embarrassed...

but at the same time... I wouldn't change any of it.

I'm tired of people who sit in silence and watch other people get pushed to the side. I tired of not being able to express how I feel simply because it might offend someone else. I'm tired of people not getting angry, or maybe getting angry, but letting it just sit inside while they watch injustice take place. I'm tired of being the nice, quiet, Christian girl, which I don't think I necessarily have that reputation, but I'm tired of trying to be somebody I'm not.

God is love... absolutely.

Which is why I'm trying to figure this thing out... this love thing. How do I love people? God loves that police officer just as much as he loves Al. I can't wrap my head around it, and I can't understand it.

In that moment of the cop and I both being rude to each other, God loved both of us.

What?

There's no victim here... there are three equals... the cop, Al, and myself. To be honest, I don't like placing myself as equal with the cop no more than I think the cop would want to be placed as an equal with Al, "the homeless man," but the reality is... that's what we are... in God's eyes, we're all equal.

I'm trying to understand that just like Al, that cop has experienced hurt too (you'd have to to talk to people that way). I'm trying to understand that he too has a story, and I'm even trying to love him simply because he is a person, with feelings, who might not deserve love, but who needs it. I'm trying to embrace the reality of that concept.

But at the same time, I'm trying to embrace the voice that God has given me...

and while trying to except His love for all, I'm not trying to stand aside in silence while someone I love mistreats someone I love.

I can love you, but it doesn't mean I will agree with you.

As far as how I handle that... that needs more prayer.

I know God is going to help me with my manners, but one thing is for sure...

I will not be silent.