change is inevitable, unless from a vending machine

Where to start... so many things come to mind.

I've had a log in my eye for quite some time now. You'd think it be more painful for one who wears contacts, such as myself, but no, it's just as comfortable for contact wearers as it is for those without four eyes or four lenses of any sort.

Let me paint the picture for those of you who may not know where I am coming from....

Matthew 7:3-5

"... and why worry about a speck in your friend's (brother's) eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, 'Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye."

This is just an excerpt from one of Jesus' many incredible teachings during his sermon on the mount. I don't normally like to pick apart small segments of scripture from the greater picture. I feel as if so many verses are twisted to sound like anything we want them to when they are taken out of context. With that said, I simply can't ignore the fact that there is a log in my eye, and so much so that I'm having a hard time reading past that verse.

The solution seems simple... yank it out. The trouble is, my hands have been so full holding onto what I want that not only have I not been able to yank it out, I haven't wanted to. I just learned to live with it. In fact, I forgot it was there. That's a pretty dangerous place to be... spiritually blind with both hands full of selfish desires.

I've come to a place of letting go of what I want, but believe me, it wasn't and it continues to not be easy. It is a daily, sometimes even hourly, choice to surrender my will to the will of my Father. As I continue in my journey, the need to let go gets less and less... not because I get better at letting it go, but because the more I get to know who my Savior is, the more I realize that as much as my heart desires what my fists have been clenching to, I slowly become OK without it.

This is just the beginning for me... the letting go. I've only just recently noticed and started to feel the log in my eye. As if letting go isn't uncomfortable enough, trying to get a log the size of Texas out of your eye isn't much better. The log has not only prevented me from seeing, but from hearing and from understanding. It makes me sad to think of how I've been so quick to point out the change that needs to take place in other's people's lives, all the while waiting for their change to change me. I've missed the point completely, which doesn't just affect me but those I do life with, or even those I just come across. With this new found discovery my heart is sad, but hopeful. Instead of beating myself up about it, I'm going to opt for change.

I read today that "being stuck is waiting for someone else to change in order for you to be OK." If there is one word that best describes how I've felt lately (other than "confused"), it would be "stuck." It all makes sense why I've felt this way. As a living, breathing creature of God, change is not only inevitable, I think it is part of God's plan for us... to not just stay the way we are. The trouble with me is, I've been depending on other people changing to make me OK. I've tried and tried to point out their specks and ways they needed to change, but it doesn't do me much good to try and pull the specks out of their eyes when my hands are full and I can't see past the log in my own.

Today I not only let go of what my hands and heart have been clinging to, but I let go of trying to fix and change others for my own benefit and growth. I let go of my selfishness. I let go of trying to do it all and be it all.

It's time to stop living and walking so blindly and deal with this mother-load of a log in my eye.

Does anybody know a good carpenter?



(I get the cheesiness from my mom!)