Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
i love customers
Dear loyal, somewhat loyal, one time, and first time customers of Starbucks,
Let me preface by saying that this particular letter is directed to specific customers of Starbucks located in the Lincoln Park area of Chicago, and not necessarily every customer of every Starbucks location. Having said that, and having worked in numerous Starbucks locations in the city and in the suburbs, I am well aware of the fact that the issue, or shall I say... behavior, in which I am about to address does not solely pertain to the customers of the Lincoln Park area, but any customer who enters a store with the assumption that the people who wear aprons behind the counter aren't actually people and therefore deserve to be treated as less than.
Let me start of by introducing myself. My name is JJ Barrows and I have worked for Starbucks Coffee company for almost three years now. For my first two years I worked in a cafe/drive-thru store, and yes, I wore a headset.
Now, I realize that my green apron, or my battery pack hanging off the back of my pants, or my ability to steam your milk exactly the way you want it may not impress you, but don't assume that I am uneducated and incapable of human connection and conversation simply because I am on the other side of the counter.
First of all, it's called eye contact. I learned this at a fairly young age, but seeing as how my lovely state of South Carolina has been ranked 49th in the nation for education, what do I know? Now, I'm sure your phone call is important enough for you to walk up to the counter and tell the person behind the counter to hold on instead of the person you are talking to, but may I suggest the idea of not walking up to the counter if you are not ready to order. Second of all, when you do walk up to the counter, HANG UP THE PHONE!
As for people going through the drive-thru on their cell phones... in my opinion, there should be a law against it, and you should be arrested. If you would have actually been paying attention when you were ordering and listened to the person on the headset recite VERBATIM what you ordered while you were taking your important phone call, maybe you wouldn't have to insult the barista for making the wrong drink when really he or she made exactly what you ordered when you weren't paying attention. Also, could you wait for the voice over the intercom to finish what they are saying before you drive away? I realize you are interacting with someone working in a drive-thru, so it makes it a bit harder to show some respect, or even the bare minimum... being polite, but once again let me remind you, we are people too.
I know, I'll give you time to take this in. It's a lot.
Third of all, or fourth... I don't know, I can't keep count, I failed math. Just because the C.E.O. of the company decided to change the name of the size in which you order your drink does not mean that we have no clue what "small, medium, or large" is. Therefore I would appreciate it if you would keep your smart-alec remarks (that we've never heard before) to yourself and just order your drink. Don't worry, if you don't know how to read, we know how to translate.
I'm gonna go with fourth. Fourth of all... the pastry case. I understand that we are running a business, and cleanliness is as important as customer contact, I won't dispute that in America. But when you see one little fruit fly and make a fuss over how gross that is (because we've never heard that before), I would like to ask you to calm down, and visualize this...
Do I even need to add the fact that this child is smiling?
So here we are on this privileged continent of ours with, let's keep it at the minimum, access to food and clean water, and we're throw in shelter. And education. And shoes, and clothes, and a car, and a cell phone, cause who could survive without that? And a computer, and a camera, and an ipod, and a playstation. Not to mention the ability to shower, do laundry and have the choice of going out to eat or dining in.
And then there's a larger portion of the rest of the world without food or clean water. Without shoes or even a change of clean clothes. Without security. Without protection. Without hope. Surrounded by death and disease. And where orphans outnumber families.
One fruit fly. Are you kidding me?
So your foam isn't perfect. Are you serious?
So it cost four dollars for a cup of coffee? DON'T BUY IT!
I can not even begin to tell you how many customers come in and make a big deal out of the cost of their drink, or the thought of being charged for something extra. The funny thing is, in my almost three years of working at Starbucks, I have never once seen anyone twisting any one's arm to go into Starbucks and buy coffee. It has only been out of sheer choice. So next time you choose to spend your money on an expensive cup of coffee, or a latte, or a low fat raspberry muffin... don't complain to the person behind the counter who has nothing to do with the pricing in the first place and is only doing their job by charging you the price that is listed. Choose not to get it. Otherwise, suck it up, and leave us a monetary tip in the jars provided.
Fifth, the bathrooms. We have a saying in the south that goes like this... "if you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be sweet and wipe the seat." I understand it is a public restroom and the thought of sitting on said porcelain is grotesque, but ladies, if you happen to miss while you are hovering high above the germs, please be sweet and wipe the seat. As for the men... if you can't aim even with the seat up, don't bother coming in because you might as well relieve yourselves outside. At least then you would aim more carefully in fear of being caught.
In addition, try saying "thank you" when you walk into a public restroom that actually has a porcelain pee hole, especially when it's clean, because it could be worse...
(feel free to ask me about my time in Africa.)
While on the bathroom topic, I would like to address the young man in high school who came into our Starbucks a few weeks back and decided to be passive aggressive by peeing all over the floor in the men's room as a response to being asked to leave... don't worry, I, probably much like your mother, cleaned up after you. I also noticed that though your pee smelt like asparagus, it's bright yellow color indicated you are not drinking enough water and are in need of healthier eating habits. Oh and one more thing, please tell your middle and high school friends that they don't look cool standing outside of the store smoking and swearing. I myself went through a phase in high school where I thought to be cool meant you had to smoke, but now that I have seen all of you doing it, I realize how absolutely ridiculous I looked and laugh at the very thought of it. End lecture.
Trust me, I could go on. I could make a movie with all the crazy stories I have from working at Starbucks, but I'll save that for later. I would rather you take some time to allow all that has been said to sink in, and maybe think about your next interaction with anyone other than the people that matter only to you. The person in the drive-thru, the person ringing up your groceries, the gas station attendant, the construction worker you almost side swiped the other day... these are all people who are worthy of eye contact and a simple hello. Maybe even go way out of your way and ask how they are, but I don't wanna push it.
If you have actually taken the time to read this far, I would like to thank you for your time as I know it is of the essence. I would also like to apologize for my attitude towards you because although I stand firm in trying to make a point, I realize that you are people too with hurts like the rest of us. Everyone we come across is fighting in some kind of a battle, and my desire is to desire to fight with you, not against you.
Sincerely, but under construction,
Your Starbucks barista and bathroom cleaning lady, who is also a college graduate, grad school student, daughter, sister, proud aunt, friend, best friend, and girlfriend (of someone you should ask me about sometime),
JJ Barrows
Let me preface by saying that this particular letter is directed to specific customers of Starbucks located in the Lincoln Park area of Chicago, and not necessarily every customer of every Starbucks location. Having said that, and having worked in numerous Starbucks locations in the city and in the suburbs, I am well aware of the fact that the issue, or shall I say... behavior, in which I am about to address does not solely pertain to the customers of the Lincoln Park area, but any customer who enters a store with the assumption that the people who wear aprons behind the counter aren't actually people and therefore deserve to be treated as less than.
Let me start of by introducing myself. My name is JJ Barrows and I have worked for Starbucks Coffee company for almost three years now. For my first two years I worked in a cafe/drive-thru store, and yes, I wore a headset.
Now, I realize that my green apron, or my battery pack hanging off the back of my pants, or my ability to steam your milk exactly the way you want it may not impress you, but don't assume that I am uneducated and incapable of human connection and conversation simply because I am on the other side of the counter.
First of all, it's called eye contact. I learned this at a fairly young age, but seeing as how my lovely state of South Carolina has been ranked 49th in the nation for education, what do I know? Now, I'm sure your phone call is important enough for you to walk up to the counter and tell the person behind the counter to hold on instead of the person you are talking to, but may I suggest the idea of not walking up to the counter if you are not ready to order. Second of all, when you do walk up to the counter, HANG UP THE PHONE!
As for people going through the drive-thru on their cell phones... in my opinion, there should be a law against it, and you should be arrested. If you would have actually been paying attention when you were ordering and listened to the person on the headset recite VERBATIM what you ordered while you were taking your important phone call, maybe you wouldn't have to insult the barista for making the wrong drink when really he or she made exactly what you ordered when you weren't paying attention. Also, could you wait for the voice over the intercom to finish what they are saying before you drive away? I realize you are interacting with someone working in a drive-thru, so it makes it a bit harder to show some respect, or even the bare minimum... being polite, but once again let me remind you, we are people too.
I know, I'll give you time to take this in. It's a lot.
Third of all, or fourth... I don't know, I can't keep count, I failed math. Just because the C.E.O. of the company decided to change the name of the size in which you order your drink does not mean that we have no clue what "small, medium, or large" is. Therefore I would appreciate it if you would keep your smart-alec remarks (that we've never heard before) to yourself and just order your drink. Don't worry, if you don't know how to read, we know how to translate.
I'm gonna go with fourth. Fourth of all... the pastry case. I understand that we are running a business, and cleanliness is as important as customer contact, I won't dispute that in America. But when you see one little fruit fly and make a fuss over how gross that is (because we've never heard that before), I would like to ask you to calm down, and visualize this...
Do I even need to add the fact that this child is smiling?
So here we are on this privileged continent of ours with, let's keep it at the minimum, access to food and clean water, and we're throw in shelter. And education. And shoes, and clothes, and a car, and a cell phone, cause who could survive without that? And a computer, and a camera, and an ipod, and a playstation. Not to mention the ability to shower, do laundry and have the choice of going out to eat or dining in.
And then there's a larger portion of the rest of the world without food or clean water. Without shoes or even a change of clean clothes. Without security. Without protection. Without hope. Surrounded by death and disease. And where orphans outnumber families.
One fruit fly. Are you kidding me?
So your foam isn't perfect. Are you serious?
So it cost four dollars for a cup of coffee? DON'T BUY IT!
I can not even begin to tell you how many customers come in and make a big deal out of the cost of their drink, or the thought of being charged for something extra. The funny thing is, in my almost three years of working at Starbucks, I have never once seen anyone twisting any one's arm to go into Starbucks and buy coffee. It has only been out of sheer choice. So next time you choose to spend your money on an expensive cup of coffee, or a latte, or a low fat raspberry muffin... don't complain to the person behind the counter who has nothing to do with the pricing in the first place and is only doing their job by charging you the price that is listed. Choose not to get it. Otherwise, suck it up, and leave us a monetary tip in the jars provided.
Fifth, the bathrooms. We have a saying in the south that goes like this... "if you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be sweet and wipe the seat." I understand it is a public restroom and the thought of sitting on said porcelain is grotesque, but ladies, if you happen to miss while you are hovering high above the germs, please be sweet and wipe the seat. As for the men... if you can't aim even with the seat up, don't bother coming in because you might as well relieve yourselves outside. At least then you would aim more carefully in fear of being caught.
In addition, try saying "thank you" when you walk into a public restroom that actually has a porcelain pee hole, especially when it's clean, because it could be worse...
(feel free to ask me about my time in Africa.)While on the bathroom topic, I would like to address the young man in high school who came into our Starbucks a few weeks back and decided to be passive aggressive by peeing all over the floor in the men's room as a response to being asked to leave... don't worry, I, probably much like your mother, cleaned up after you. I also noticed that though your pee smelt like asparagus, it's bright yellow color indicated you are not drinking enough water and are in need of healthier eating habits. Oh and one more thing, please tell your middle and high school friends that they don't look cool standing outside of the store smoking and swearing. I myself went through a phase in high school where I thought to be cool meant you had to smoke, but now that I have seen all of you doing it, I realize how absolutely ridiculous I looked and laugh at the very thought of it. End lecture.
Trust me, I could go on. I could make a movie with all the crazy stories I have from working at Starbucks, but I'll save that for later. I would rather you take some time to allow all that has been said to sink in, and maybe think about your next interaction with anyone other than the people that matter only to you. The person in the drive-thru, the person ringing up your groceries, the gas station attendant, the construction worker you almost side swiped the other day... these are all people who are worthy of eye contact and a simple hello. Maybe even go way out of your way and ask how they are, but I don't wanna push it.
If you have actually taken the time to read this far, I would like to thank you for your time as I know it is of the essence. I would also like to apologize for my attitude towards you because although I stand firm in trying to make a point, I realize that you are people too with hurts like the rest of us. Everyone we come across is fighting in some kind of a battle, and my desire is to desire to fight with you, not against you.
Sincerely, but under construction,
Your Starbucks barista and bathroom cleaning lady, who is also a college graduate, grad school student, daughter, sister, proud aunt, friend, best friend, and girlfriend (of someone you should ask me about sometime),
JJ Barrows
Friday, February 5, 2010
again today
Feburary 5th, 2007.
Only two days prior to that date the Chicago Bears were in the Superbowl. I'm sure lots of people, especially Chicagoans, remember that day, but I don't. I remember two days later... Feburary 5th, 2007.
The day before the Superbowl I arrived in Chicago for the first time on what seemed to be the coldest weekend recorded in Chicago history. I was arriving from South Carolina. I never realized how warm 58 degrees was (the temperature the day I left home) until I arrived in Chicago... The coldest day I had ever experienced up to that point.
I remember the plane ride... the pilot would come over the intercom and say "DA BEARS!!!" and everyone on the plane, except myself, would yell back "DAAAAAA BEARS!" I was impressed by the team spirit, but I myself was in no mood to cheer.
I wasn't going to Chicago to see the bears play in the Superbowl that weekend. Nope.
That Superbowl weekend, 2007, at 23 years old, I was heading to Chicago (as the few of you who read my blog know) to admit myself into a treatment center.
3 years ago, TODAY, I walked through the doors of a very unfamiliar place, knowing that my life was about to drastically change... should I survive the winter.
I don't want to go into detail, and I don't want to write a lot about it (read old entries), but 3 years ago, TODAY, my life drastically changed because my recovery began.
And even though 3 years have past, I'm still recovering, as I think I will be... until I reach perfection.
And I know I will, just not yet.
Honestly, there are some days more than others that I long for that day when I stand before my Father in Heaven as He holds my face, heals my wounds, and tells me how much He loves me.
It's one thing to know someone loves you. It's a completely different thing to hear them say they love you. I can't wait to hear His voice. To audibly hear the man I have given my life to say "I have always loved you."
3 years ago, TODAY, a man I gave up on continued to love me.
3 years later, TODAY, I have fallen in love with Him... again and again, and again.
I know that sounds cheesy to some, but since being in recovery, I am OK with cheese.
I have good days and bad (as I'm sure most of us do but don't necessarily vocalize) but the bad days make me grateful for the good ones. And today... today was a good one.
February 5th, 2007... 3 years to the day.
The journey has been long...
and it has been hard...
but it has been worth it.
To those of you who are hurting, please hear me say as honestly as I know how... the journey is long, and it is hard, sometimes so hard... but it is so incredibly worth it!
And so are you.
Only two days prior to that date the Chicago Bears were in the Superbowl. I'm sure lots of people, especially Chicagoans, remember that day, but I don't. I remember two days later... Feburary 5th, 2007.
The day before the Superbowl I arrived in Chicago for the first time on what seemed to be the coldest weekend recorded in Chicago history. I was arriving from South Carolina. I never realized how warm 58 degrees was (the temperature the day I left home) until I arrived in Chicago... The coldest day I had ever experienced up to that point.
I remember the plane ride... the pilot would come over the intercom and say "DA BEARS!!!" and everyone on the plane, except myself, would yell back "DAAAAAA BEARS!" I was impressed by the team spirit, but I myself was in no mood to cheer.
I wasn't going to Chicago to see the bears play in the Superbowl that weekend. Nope.
That Superbowl weekend, 2007, at 23 years old, I was heading to Chicago (as the few of you who read my blog know) to admit myself into a treatment center.
3 years ago, TODAY, I walked through the doors of a very unfamiliar place, knowing that my life was about to drastically change... should I survive the winter.
I don't want to go into detail, and I don't want to write a lot about it (read old entries), but 3 years ago, TODAY, my life drastically changed because my recovery began.
And even though 3 years have past, I'm still recovering, as I think I will be... until I reach perfection.
And I know I will, just not yet.
Honestly, there are some days more than others that I long for that day when I stand before my Father in Heaven as He holds my face, heals my wounds, and tells me how much He loves me.
It's one thing to know someone loves you. It's a completely different thing to hear them say they love you. I can't wait to hear His voice. To audibly hear the man I have given my life to say "I have always loved you."
3 years ago, TODAY, a man I gave up on continued to love me.
3 years later, TODAY, I have fallen in love with Him... again and again, and again.
I know that sounds cheesy to some, but since being in recovery, I am OK with cheese.
I have good days and bad (as I'm sure most of us do but don't necessarily vocalize) but the bad days make me grateful for the good ones. And today... today was a good one.
February 5th, 2007... 3 years to the day.
The journey has been long...
and it has been hard...
but it has been worth it.
To those of you who are hurting, please hear me say as honestly as I know how... the journey is long, and it is hard, sometimes so hard... but it is so incredibly worth it!
And so are you.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
thermals
My tea from this morning is still in my cup. It's not just luke warm, it's cold from sitting all day in an apartment occupied by four girls trying to save money by not turning on the heat.
It's definitely winter in Chicago. I can tell without even leaving my apartment... which is exactly what i haven't done today... left my apartment. In fact, I'm still in my thermals that i slept in, with a hat on my head, and two pairs of socks. The red socks are only to support the holes in the green socks... together they make a great pair.
I've spent most of my day on the couch trying to figure out how not to waste my day... huh. I'm glad my efforts weren't wasted.
There are days that I wake up and the last thing I want to do is get out of bed. These are the days that I know are most important to choose to pull down the covers, set my feet on the ground, and regardless of what I feel like, get out of bed.
I set my feet on the ground today, but I didn't go very far with them.
I'm tempted to get down on myself and remain bummed for not seizing the carp today... but instead I'm going to take my medication and choose not to punish myself.
What will it look like for me to live my life today? Other than getting off this couch, I don't know. But hopefully, in some small, free, and legal way it will look like making someone else's day instead of worrying about myself.*
I'm glad it's never too late to start.
*note to therpist: not worrying about myself does not mean not taking care of myself... don't worry.
It's definitely winter in Chicago. I can tell without even leaving my apartment... which is exactly what i haven't done today... left my apartment. In fact, I'm still in my thermals that i slept in, with a hat on my head, and two pairs of socks. The red socks are only to support the holes in the green socks... together they make a great pair.
I've spent most of my day on the couch trying to figure out how not to waste my day... huh. I'm glad my efforts weren't wasted.
There are days that I wake up and the last thing I want to do is get out of bed. These are the days that I know are most important to choose to pull down the covers, set my feet on the ground, and regardless of what I feel like, get out of bed.
I set my feet on the ground today, but I didn't go very far with them.
I'm tempted to get down on myself and remain bummed for not seizing the carp today... but instead I'm going to take my medication and choose not to punish myself.
What will it look like for me to live my life today? Other than getting off this couch, I don't know. But hopefully, in some small, free, and legal way it will look like making someone else's day instead of worrying about myself.*
I'm glad it's never too late to start.
*note to therpist: not worrying about myself does not mean not taking care of myself... don't worry.
Friday, January 15, 2010
growing up
geeez, it's been a while. i almost forgot my password.
i built a fort today.
my goal for 2010 is to get out of debt. i cut up my credit card, hid my debit card in my sock drawer and only carry cash with me so that i know exactly what i am spending and so that i can spend only exactly what i have.
yup... time to grow up. it kinda sucks. and it's kinda boring.
so i decided to build a fort.
i realize i need to grow up, not just for my sake, but for the sake of helping others... how can i support causes i believe in or travel overseas to remote villages when i owe the government a lump sum of money that isn't going to go away just because i do?
so... no more hiding. time to grow up.
which is why i built a fort.
i need to start being responsible, i get it. but today i realized... responsibility doesn't have to rule out creativity and imagination and adventure.
so... before heading off to work, i am going over my finances, organizing my budget, and paying my bills... all in the comforts of my orange and pink fort that i made this afternoon.
and the beauty of it is...
since i'm all grown up, i can leave my fort up as long as i want too!
i guess growing up isn't so bad after all.
i built a fort today.
my goal for 2010 is to get out of debt. i cut up my credit card, hid my debit card in my sock drawer and only carry cash with me so that i know exactly what i am spending and so that i can spend only exactly what i have.
yup... time to grow up. it kinda sucks. and it's kinda boring.
so i decided to build a fort.
i realize i need to grow up, not just for my sake, but for the sake of helping others... how can i support causes i believe in or travel overseas to remote villages when i owe the government a lump sum of money that isn't going to go away just because i do?
so... no more hiding. time to grow up.
which is why i built a fort.
i need to start being responsible, i get it. but today i realized... responsibility doesn't have to rule out creativity and imagination and adventure.
so... before heading off to work, i am going over my finances, organizing my budget, and paying my bills... all in the comforts of my orange and pink fort that i made this afternoon.
and the beauty of it is...
since i'm all grown up, i can leave my fort up as long as i want too!
i guess growing up isn't so bad after all.
Monday, November 9, 2009
monday
misunderstood.
set my alarm for pm instead of am.
slept in my contacts... my eye is infected.
forgot how to fly.
my phone rang. thought it was you.
it wasn't.
doctor on wednesday.
therapist on thursday.
medication on every day.
bit my nails too low.
bought the wrong paint.
walked instead of ran.
stood instead of walked.
sat instead of stood.
because i sat...
stayed instead of left.
i would like a water pistol.
and a night cap.
today is over.
tomorrow is here.
i guess this is goodnight.
for now.
set my alarm for pm instead of am.
slept in my contacts... my eye is infected.
forgot how to fly.
my phone rang. thought it was you.
it wasn't.
doctor on wednesday.
therapist on thursday.
medication on every day.
bit my nails too low.
bought the wrong paint.
walked instead of ran.
stood instead of walked.
sat instead of stood.
because i sat...
stayed instead of left.
i would like a water pistol.
and a night cap.
today is over.
tomorrow is here.
i guess this is goodnight.
for now.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
belly
Well, let me start off by saying...
"Thank you, facebook, for your advertisement columns that are just so darn catchy and pleasing to the eye. Because of the fantastic job you do in reading my cookies, you are quite aware of what it is that I am interested in, and therefore do quite an exceptional job making me well aware of all the things that I don't have that, according to you, I 'neeeeeeeeed.'"
Now... on with the story...
I was on facebook yesterday, which is probably where it all began because I should have been doing my homework and not sending hate mail to my ex-boyfriends (joke), but none the less, it was facebook, not my hermeneutics homework, that captured my attention (kids, don't try that at home).
While on this book of face, I noticed a colorful ad on the side of my homepage with a pretty purple laptop on it and the word "FREE" in really big letters. Upon looking closer I also noticed an apple on the front of this beautiful purple contraption... "Yum," I thought, "an apple!" There was already a bite taken out of the apple, but it was still just so beautiful... it was as if the apple was saying to me... "bite me!"
So... low and behold, I clicked on the magical link that was going to deliver a talking, purple apple right to my doorstep and before I knew it I was giving out all of my contact information without even bothering to ask "is this legit?"
Sure enough, I get to the "you're almost finished" page and right under the big shiny "CONGRATULATIONS, JJ. We've reserved a Macbook Air just for you" is the final step (in fine print):
Confirm delivery by completing two reward offers from each of the Top, Prime and Premium reward offer page options. Various types of reward offers are available. Completion of reward offers most often requires a purchase or filing a credit application and being accepted for a financial product such as a credit card or consumer loan.
In other words, I had to chose two '30 day money back guarantee' offers that I would "sample" and either purchase upon my liking of them, or be charged the amount of the products if I didn't return them.
"DANG IT! I KNEW IT!" (even though I really thought I was going to be typing this story on a purple Macbook Air laptop... riiiiiiight, JJ, right!) I signed off, closed my dinosaur of a laptop, shrugged it off and took a nap.
When I woke up 20 minutes later (yea right), I had 3 missed calls (something that doesn't often occur) but no voicemail. I checked my call list... one was unavailable, and the other two were only four digit numbers. "OHHHHKAY," I thought and went on with my life.
(What I didn't know at the time is that when I filled out all my info to recieve my talking, purple apple, they kept my info and distributed it to consumer report agencies that were looking for people to offer their "free" products to.)
Fast forward to today. After work I got a phone call from one of those weird numbers and against my better judgment, I answered it. What happened next is pure gold...
"Hello?"
An overly entusiastic voice beams through the other end of the phone
"Hello, may I speak with Ms. Barrows, please!"
"This is her..."
"Hi Ms. Barrows, my name is (insert made up name here) and I'm calling to tell you about a new, breakthrough product out on the market called Acai Berry Select. This new and amazing product has been featured on the Rachael Ray show, maybe you've heard of it..."
I sit silent
"Have you seen this product featured on the Rachael Ray show, Ms. Barrows?"
"No, I haven't"
"OH WOW, well let me tell you about it. Acai Berry Select is a RAPID FAST acting weight loss pill that helps you lose weight super fast and detoxify your body! With Acai Berry Select you get the combined antioxidant power of acai berries with the health promoting benefits of green tea and other nutrients in a one time-saving, easy to take capsule..."
As I sit and listen to her explain every ingredient in the Acai Berry Select weight loss pill, I start to smirk and laugh to myself while thinking, "if only she knew who she was talking to."
At this point she is just so excited that I haven't hung up on her yet that her voice starts to get even higher, with even more enthusiasm (if that was possible). I let her continue...
"Ms. Barrows, with our product you can shed pounds easier and faster than you ever imagined! Infact, people just like you are losing 10 pounds, 20 pounds, 50 pounds and more using this amazing product!"
As she keeps talking I start to realize that there is absolutely no way that I can just leave this alone and simply say no. After all, recovery should be fun, right? I interrupt her as she's on her roll...
"Um, I don't think I should get it."
It was as if she was ready for me to say no...
"Oh, come on Ms. Barrows, there's no reason not to get it because I'm going to send you a free sample with a 30 day trial period. If you don't like it you can send it back within the 30 days and you don't have to pay a thing. And I mean, come on, if Rachael Ray says it's good, you know it's good... am I right?"
I entertain her for a second...
"Yea, Rachael Ray knows her stuff"
She gets excited...
"RIGHT? I mean, come on! AND if we ship it to you today I will even send you a free packet of our green tea weight loss gum. You burn calories while you chew..."
(Don't we do that anyways?)
"So, Ms. Barrows, are you ready to lose weight faster than ever before and feel great about your body?"
Now I get excited...
"Well, honestly... No, I'm not," I take a deep breath... "you see, the reason that I don't think I should get it is because I'm in treatment for an eating disorder."
SILENCE!
"OOOOHHHHHH... Oh my, OK, well, Oh my, I'm sorry, well... well, you know maybe... maybe it could help... (Ok, she thinks I'm over weight) I mean it is all natural and there's no chemicals and it could help with your metabolism."
I love the awkwardness and sit in it for a second before responding, "No, actually I'm trying to gain weight."
SILENCE!
"OOOOHHHHH... that kind... Oh my, OK, well, Oh my, I am so sorry! OK, well... well... well you know what, Ms. Barrows? I am so sorry to call... you just go put on a pretty pair of shoes, work on that body image and when you're done you go buy yourself a cheeseburger!"
She said it so confidently as if she had just given me the secret to recovery. I laughed to myself, but I also felt kind of bad for her, so I played along...
"OK, thanks! Yea, I'll do that!"
I can hear her smiling and her enthusiasm comes back as if she were still promoting the product...
"Alright, well you have a great night, Ms. Barrows... and good luck with that eating disorder!!!!"
I thanked my telemarketer therapist and said goodbye. I hung up the phone and I think it went something like this...
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA!!!!!
OHHHHHH MAN, BAHA... HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
AAAAHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
HOLY AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
BAAAAHAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA!!!!
WOAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! AHHHHHAHAHAHAA!!!"
etc... etc... etc... followed by, "THAT was AMAZING!"
I thought about what happened on her end of the phone when she hung up. I pictured her taking a deep breath and then turning to the other telemarketers... "OH MY GOD, GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED?"
I smiled, called everyone I knew, except you, and told them the whole story.
Actually, no, I just smiled.
And laughed.
A lot.
All joking aside, the truth is that recovery is hard. Believe me, I know! It's definitely something to be taken seriously and I'm not at all making light of that...
but...
Sometimes, I think that when you are given an opportunity to laugh, especially at yourself... you should take it. Even if it's about something you struggle with, you might be surprised... sometimes the most healing medication is just a "deep from within" belly laugh that you didn't even know was there.
Recovery is hard, and sometimes I still struggle...
but...
I'm still laughing...
and, man, does it feel good!!!
"Thank you, facebook, for your advertisement columns that are just so darn catchy and pleasing to the eye. Because of the fantastic job you do in reading my cookies, you are quite aware of what it is that I am interested in, and therefore do quite an exceptional job making me well aware of all the things that I don't have that, according to you, I 'neeeeeeeeed.'"
Now... on with the story...
I was on facebook yesterday, which is probably where it all began because I should have been doing my homework and not sending hate mail to my ex-boyfriends (joke), but none the less, it was facebook, not my hermeneutics homework, that captured my attention (kids, don't try that at home).
While on this book of face, I noticed a colorful ad on the side of my homepage with a pretty purple laptop on it and the word "FREE" in really big letters. Upon looking closer I also noticed an apple on the front of this beautiful purple contraption... "Yum," I thought, "an apple!" There was already a bite taken out of the apple, but it was still just so beautiful... it was as if the apple was saying to me... "bite me!"
So... low and behold, I clicked on the magical link that was going to deliver a talking, purple apple right to my doorstep and before I knew it I was giving out all of my contact information without even bothering to ask "is this legit?"
Sure enough, I get to the "you're almost finished" page and right under the big shiny "CONGRATULATIONS, JJ. We've reserved a Macbook Air just for you" is the final step (in fine print):
Confirm delivery by completing two reward offers from each of the Top, Prime and Premium reward offer page options. Various types of reward offers are available. Completion of reward offers most often requires a purchase or filing a credit application and being accepted for a financial product such as a credit card or consumer loan.
In other words, I had to chose two '30 day money back guarantee' offers that I would "sample" and either purchase upon my liking of them, or be charged the amount of the products if I didn't return them.
"DANG IT! I KNEW IT!" (even though I really thought I was going to be typing this story on a purple Macbook Air laptop... riiiiiiight, JJ, right!) I signed off, closed my dinosaur of a laptop, shrugged it off and took a nap.
When I woke up 20 minutes later (yea right), I had 3 missed calls (something that doesn't often occur) but no voicemail. I checked my call list... one was unavailable, and the other two were only four digit numbers. "OHHHHKAY," I thought and went on with my life.
(What I didn't know at the time is that when I filled out all my info to recieve my talking, purple apple, they kept my info and distributed it to consumer report agencies that were looking for people to offer their "free" products to.)
Fast forward to today. After work I got a phone call from one of those weird numbers and against my better judgment, I answered it. What happened next is pure gold...
"Hello?"
An overly entusiastic voice beams through the other end of the phone
"Hello, may I speak with Ms. Barrows, please!"
"This is her..."
"Hi Ms. Barrows, my name is (insert made up name here) and I'm calling to tell you about a new, breakthrough product out on the market called Acai Berry Select. This new and amazing product has been featured on the Rachael Ray show, maybe you've heard of it..."
I sit silent
"Have you seen this product featured on the Rachael Ray show, Ms. Barrows?"
"No, I haven't"
"OH WOW, well let me tell you about it. Acai Berry Select is a RAPID FAST acting weight loss pill that helps you lose weight super fast and detoxify your body! With Acai Berry Select you get the combined antioxidant power of acai berries with the health promoting benefits of green tea and other nutrients in a one time-saving, easy to take capsule..."
As I sit and listen to her explain every ingredient in the Acai Berry Select weight loss pill, I start to smirk and laugh to myself while thinking, "if only she knew who she was talking to."
At this point she is just so excited that I haven't hung up on her yet that her voice starts to get even higher, with even more enthusiasm (if that was possible). I let her continue...
"Ms. Barrows, with our product you can shed pounds easier and faster than you ever imagined! Infact, people just like you are losing 10 pounds, 20 pounds, 50 pounds and more using this amazing product!"
As she keeps talking I start to realize that there is absolutely no way that I can just leave this alone and simply say no. After all, recovery should be fun, right? I interrupt her as she's on her roll...
"Um, I don't think I should get it."
It was as if she was ready for me to say no...
"Oh, come on Ms. Barrows, there's no reason not to get it because I'm going to send you a free sample with a 30 day trial period. If you don't like it you can send it back within the 30 days and you don't have to pay a thing. And I mean, come on, if Rachael Ray says it's good, you know it's good... am I right?"
I entertain her for a second...
"Yea, Rachael Ray knows her stuff"
She gets excited...
"RIGHT? I mean, come on! AND if we ship it to you today I will even send you a free packet of our green tea weight loss gum. You burn calories while you chew..."
(Don't we do that anyways?)
"So, Ms. Barrows, are you ready to lose weight faster than ever before and feel great about your body?"
Now I get excited...
"Well, honestly... No, I'm not," I take a deep breath... "you see, the reason that I don't think I should get it is because I'm in treatment for an eating disorder."
SILENCE!
"OOOOHHHHHH... Oh my, OK, well, Oh my, I'm sorry, well... well, you know maybe... maybe it could help... (Ok, she thinks I'm over weight) I mean it is all natural and there's no chemicals and it could help with your metabolism."
I love the awkwardness and sit in it for a second before responding, "No, actually I'm trying to gain weight."
SILENCE!
"OOOOHHHHH... that kind... Oh my, OK, well, Oh my, I am so sorry! OK, well... well... well you know what, Ms. Barrows? I am so sorry to call... you just go put on a pretty pair of shoes, work on that body image and when you're done you go buy yourself a cheeseburger!"
She said it so confidently as if she had just given me the secret to recovery. I laughed to myself, but I also felt kind of bad for her, so I played along...
"OK, thanks! Yea, I'll do that!"
I can hear her smiling and her enthusiasm comes back as if she were still promoting the product...
"Alright, well you have a great night, Ms. Barrows... and good luck with that eating disorder!!!!"
I thanked my telemarketer therapist and said goodbye. I hung up the phone and I think it went something like this...
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA!!!!!
OHHHHHH MAN, BAHA... HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
AAAAHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
HOLY AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
BAAAAHAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA!!!!
WOAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! AHHHHHAHAHAHAA!!!"
etc... etc... etc... followed by, "THAT was AMAZING!"
I thought about what happened on her end of the phone when she hung up. I pictured her taking a deep breath and then turning to the other telemarketers... "OH MY GOD, GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED?"
I smiled, called everyone I knew, except you, and told them the whole story.
Actually, no, I just smiled.
And laughed.
A lot.
All joking aside, the truth is that recovery is hard. Believe me, I know! It's definitely something to be taken seriously and I'm not at all making light of that...
but...
Sometimes, I think that when you are given an opportunity to laugh, especially at yourself... you should take it. Even if it's about something you struggle with, you might be surprised... sometimes the most healing medication is just a "deep from within" belly laugh that you didn't even know was there.
Recovery is hard, and sometimes I still struggle...
but...
I'm still laughing...
and, man, does it feel good!!!
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