ok ok ok

Writer's block.

Yes. We all know why. Because I'm distracted, and since I tend to write the best when I reveal my heart, I don't feel much up to writing.

But... I've got nothing else to do, so I might as well write... and since I'm writing, I might as well be honest.

This is what happens when you get bored... the truth comes out.

So here I go being honest again...





WHAT IS UP WITH U.S. POSTAL SERVICE? Seriously?

Light blue shirts with dark blue pants? ridiculous.





Ok... not really... unfortunately my thoughts and concerns are not as simple as something as arbitrary as the unifroms of the U.S. Postal Service. (I don't even know if that word fits, I just like it... arbitrary.)

So the question becomes... am I going to go there? Am I really going to go there? Am I going to explore the concerns of my heart and am I really going to share them with you? Are you even really going to read them? Will it really even matter? If not, what's the point?

After asking this question, I again realize that the point is not you. The point is not how you are affected (or not affected) by what I write. The point isn't even if you read this or not (and when I say "you," I mean anyone and everyone, not just you)... the point is God. The point is what God is doing in my life. The point is I can be who I am, and trust God with that. I can be totally insecure as a girl and totally put it out there and yet at the very same time, know that it it ok because my value lies in Christ. MY VALUE LIES IN CHRIST.

I think when I write about things from my eating disorder, to guys I like, to being a hypocrite, to whatever may expose who I really am, I think what I am really doing is trying to push that boundary that the world tells me I can't cross because of what other people may think.

More recently it seems I've been afraid to push that boundary, which would explain why I haven't written much. I don't have much to write about when I'm not being honest with who I really am.

Unforunately, this blog isn't going to end with me being courageous (how I usually feel after I write) and saying "look at me, I'm trusting God." It's going to end with me being human. It's going to end with me being scared. But it's going to end with me being fully aware that this is just this moment, and it is OK... because this too shall pass.