I can't. without you.

I cried today. A lot.

Maybe more than usual. Maybe not.

I didn't mean for that to rhyme... it just kind of came out that way.

I watched a movie at a friend's house, and I cried. I can't tell you how long it's been since a good movie has made me cry... well... at least a week... but before that it was at least a month, and trust me, that's good for a woman.

I went to church tonight, and I cried.

I stopped by Starbucks afterwards to see some friends, and I cried.

I had dinner. I got in my car. I drove home. And I cried.



All of these cries weren't because of the movie... it was good, but it wasn't that good.

No, all of these cries were tears of emotion that I had stored up inside and saved for a rainy day... just like today. Some people save money for rainy days, I save tears. It's actually the perfect setting for a good cry, and you are guaranteed your tears will be well spent.

At the end of the day when the sun was down, but the rain was still out, I pretty much summed up all of my cries in one little prayer...

"Thank you, God" I cried, "thank you that this is my battle."

Life is hard... but it could be worse. A lot worse. I won't go into detail other than to say I know for a fact, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that life could be worse. A lot worse.

Instead of appreciating the struggle, I focus on the struggle... on how hard it is. I mess up, I give in, I call it quits. I go it alone and then I wonder how the hell I got there.

I'm tired of blaming God for how I got there. I'm tired of blaming God for the hurt that other people have caused me. I'm tired of making God pay for other people's mistakes... even if they are His children.

I'm tired.

And so... tonight, instead of crying out in anger, I cried out in gratefulness, yet still in need, "Dear God, I can't do it without You!"

Something I may have already known, but something I always forget...

"Dear God... I can't do it without You!"

And I knew I didn't want to.