lifetime

I did something I never thought I would do today.

Seriously... ever!

All the while I kept asking myself "what am I doing?" But I couldn't stop.

"Other women do this, I don't do this," I thought. But today... I did this. Today I realized why women have this problem that they do, and I realized that it's not their fault. It's an addiction.

Today I took part in this addiction...

Today I watched Lifetime. Not just Lifetime, Lifetime movies. Three in a row.

That's the thing about Lifetime movies, they're like potato chips, you can't have just one.

The most embarrassing part is that I watched them by myself so I had no one to blame for why I was sitting in the room when they were on.

The acting was horrible, the music... even worse... but I got sucked in. I couldn't stop. I knew it was bad when my roommate finally came home and asked what I was doing and I didn't want to tell her. "Why am I hiding this?" I thought to myself. "Because it is so shameful!"

Sure enough, when my roommate found out what I was doing she laughed... loud.

I knew it was even worse when during a commercial we decided to go to the gym, but I caught myself asking "can we go when this one's over?"

WHAT??

At that moment I knew I had hit rock bottom, and it was time for me to get up. I decided I didn't need to know how "A Teacher's Crime" ended... there was more to life than this... plus I pretty much had it figured out that she was set up.

So... I turned the T.V. off, and I got up. One step at a time I walked farther and farther away from the T.V. "No turning back," I said. And I walked out the door.

I remember when I lived with my aunt and uncle, my aunt would watch Lifetime movies all the time, and sometimes I would "sit in the room" while she was wacthing them, but I never sat through a whole one. My uncle used to make fun of them all the time. "You know why they're called Lifetime movies?" He'd ask. "Because they last a LIFETIME!"

I laughed, but I knew he was serious.

"I'm serious," he'd say, "you can start watching a lifetime movie, get up, go take a shower, get dressed, go out to dinner, stay for dessert, come home, and that movie will still be on... and that woman will still be having the same problem!"

I love my uncle. He tells it like it is.

So... after my Lifetime movie marathon I went to the gym, ran away some intense thoughts, and honestly, felt a lot better.

I wasn't going to let the horrible acting get me down. I wasn't going to let that sappy music get stuck in my head. I wasn't going to let all I had seen define my taste in movies!

No sir.

After my shower, I made up for it.

I went back down to my basement (with some friends... never go alone) and I turned on another movie... actually I turned on two more movies (another mini marathon)... but these ones were real movies... with real acting, and real music, and real good one liners... I love those.

After the second movie I cried. I cried a lot because it reminded me of my family. Not so much the family in the movie, because they were really screwed up (well, not that we aren't), but just the whole idea of family, and how no matter how screwed up you are, you are family.

I love that. I love my family. I love that my family loves me.

I love that I have been through treament for an eating disorder, had my heart broken maybe more than twice, messed up imensely with my finances, completely sabotaged my relationship with my mom a few years ago, expressed more anger than I care to admit as a child, yet come out better on this side of recovery, still have slip ups and fall backs, and my family... my family still loves me.

Seriously?

Wow.

Thank you Mom.

Thank you Dad.

Thank you Bonnie.

Thank you Betsy.

Thank you Bobby.

Thank you Mommom.

Wow.

That is all I can say right now.

Wow.

And I love you...

So much so that I would be willing to sit through another Lifetime movie marathon with you if that's want you all want to do (when I come home), because we all know that I don't... but I would be willing to make a sacrfice.