your mama

Ha.

So I should watch how I word things?

Inre: my last blog

Asking God to come and get me is in no way referencing that I want my life to end. Asking God to come and get me is asking God to pursue me.

The statement reminded me of when I was a child running around with my brother and sisters. We would chase each other out in the yard or through the house screaming "you want me? come and get me!"

It was like a dare and an invitation.

I stood up from my desk the other night, after talking with a friend whose world seems to be shattered, and I told God that now it was personal.

I remember being an "aggressive" child growing up, to put it lightly. I could handle people making fun of me... it really didn't bother me all that much. But if some one ever messed with someone in my family.... OH... it was on!

7th grade. Gym class. I said something to John Meagan and his response was "your mama!"

I froze dead in my tracks, eyes glaring, fists clenching. I grabbed a basketball and ran as fast as I could toward him (I run fast for a white girl). I chucked the basketball at him as hard as my scrawny little arms would allow. When he saw me coming he turned to face the wall. The ball hit his back, bounced off, almost hit me, and he fell to the ground.

"Don't you EVER say anything about my mama! EVER!"

Have you ever seen the movie little giants? The best way I can describe what I looked like as a 7th grade girl yelling at this guy to not talk about her mama that way is literally a scene in that movie. Watch it... you can't miss it.

I didn't care if John Meagan made fun of me. Growing up as a preacher's kid you learn that other people make fun of you because they are insecure about themselves. I tuned them out (to a degree... I wasn't super kid). But don't bring my mama into it. Then it's personal.

I stood up from my desk the other night, and I treated God much like I treated John Meagan that day in gym class.

I thought of the people who have become like family to me over the years, and how some of them are going through some trialing times. I stood up from my desk, walked toward my door, and mumbled under my breath "now it's personal."

I felt like God was launching some all out attack not only on me, but those closest to me. He knows right where to get me... through the ones I love.

I wrestled back and forth with where I was at with God. One minute I was so angry at Him and would start to ask why and question His goodness, but before I could finish a single thought, I found myself saying "But I trust you. I trust you."

"Please, don't give up on me Lord, I trust you."

There is an attack... on my life, and that of my friends, and my family, and all the rest of us who know we need Jesus. But it is not God who is attacking us. It is God who is fighting for us.

Sometimes we just need to get out of His way.



And here's the thing...

God is HUGE. BIG. EXTREMELY LARGE. MUY GRANDE.

At Starbucks we call that VIENTE!

So for the sake of being relevant in today's culture, we'll say...

God is VIENTE!


To further explore this thought...

I once lived with two great danes who had a combined weight of 300 pounds. They were like horses, but not. While playing with my not-horse dogs one day I thought to myself, "if God were a dog, He would probably be a great dane."

They are beyond intimidating because of their size, so people don't usually get too close. But... if you give them a chance, you realize that they have these sweet personalities, and are actually really very trustworthy dogs, who are just eager to love and be loved. They are protective of those they love, a character less obvious in smaller dogs, and basically, were you to break into my house, they had the final say on if you lived or not.

On the inside, they are no different than the smaller dogs, but due to their large stature, they are assumed to be threatening and usually avoided.

All that to say... that night when I borderline taunted God and told him to "come and get me," and felt the need to protect my friends, I forgot who I was dealing with. I forgot His character. I forgot His gentleness... His "smaller dog" characteristics, if you will. The ones that you don't see when you are focusing on His size and power and allowing the intimidation of who He really is to keep Him at a distance.

Read the Old Testament... He is intimidating!

But read the New Testament... He is love!

He is love.

Ultimately, I am thankful. God is not a 7th grade version of John Meagan, a cute little dog hidden in a great dane's body, or a viente sized Starbucks cup.

God is love.

And that is as personal as it gets.