rambo

This movie is way too long... and I'm not even half way through it.

I really want to focus on writing, but I can't take my eyes off of the cattle about to commit unintentional suicide by running off a cliff.

I hate the bad guys... setting fire to everything, making the cattle go crazy, causing stampedes and killing off the drunks.

When I watch a movie with bad guys, which let's face it, even Disney movies have bad guys, I can literally feel the anger boiling up inside me.

..........

So after abandoning my computer for a while for what seemed like a 3 hour movie, I'm back and I'm focused.

I just finished watching the movie Australia. I had never seen it before and my roommate had just started it when I decided I was going to sit down and do some writing. I figured since I had never seen it, and she raves about it, I'd attempt to multitask and do both.

Why I always think I'm going to be successful at multitasking is beyond me. Every time I make the decision to do so it seems like a good idea, and every time just like the time before, it proves to be quite the opposite.

I stopped writing when the cattle were about to stampede off a cliff, but left my computer on my lap the entire moving thinking that eventually I would start writing again. I could have been way more comfortable if I would have just put my computer down, sat back and focused on the movie. I ended up missing some subtitles because I kept looking down at my computer screen as if I was going to start typing.

Even though I actually accomplished nothing, for some reason it makes me feel accomplished if I at least pretend to be doing something. I would have felt lazy just sitting around watching a movie, but since I had my computer on my lap while sitting around watching a movie... I felt way more productive.

Why do we do that? Why do I do that? I so often try to accomplish more than one thing at a time, but instead of actually accomplishing anything at all, I end up spreading myself thin, which results in starting a few things but never actually finishing anything.

Fortunately, I finished the movie, but seeing as that’s not my point I can’t really label that as an accomplishment. I did manage to sit still for almost 3 hours without falling asleep and that is definitely no easy feat on my part.

I really want to try harder to try less. I try to do so much so often that I usually end up feeling burned out and more irritated than excited. When someone asks me to do something or take on a new project I find myself blurting out yes before I even have time to think about it. I end up taking on one more thing but hating it, even though it may be something I wanted to do, because I don’t have time for it and I can’t invest in it the way I want to. This often ends up with a less than satisfied result not only for me, but for the person to whom I think I just have to help along with every body else.

When my motive to help is to feel good about myself and point out what I have accomplished, I know my motive is wrong and regardless of how much I want to do it, its not something I should be taking part in. I know that I can’t do everything, so the only reason I try must be to make other people think I can.

I have to learn to get comfortable with saying “no,” or at least “I’ll think about it.” I have to learn to be OK with letting people down because regardless of how hard I try, I’m going to let someone down. Bill Cosby once said, “I don’t know they key to success, but I know the key to failure is to try to please everybody.” I’d have to agree with Mr. Cosby.

In this world, I realize I can’t please everybody, even if I wanted to. I honestly believe that I could not be a true follower of Christ if my goal were to please and be at peace with everyone. Christ does tell us to be at peace with one another and don’t get me wrong, I’m all about peace… make coffee, not war… but the peace that Christ talks of is not of this world. It’s not the kind of peace where see injustice take place before your very eyes and you keep silent so as not to cause any more trouble.

It’s a peace that passes understanding (Phil. 4:7). The mere fact that it passes or transcends understanding means that it can not be of this world. And if it is not of this world because it can not be understood, then it can not be something we give to each other, but something Christ gives to us.

I guess that’s why Christ tells us not to worry. It is the peace of God that guards me when I am faced with conflict, not my own ability to keep the peace.

Sometimes I have to say no… even to things that are good. I’m realizing more and more that life is so much about making choices, which is hard for someone who is so indecisive. It’s much easier for me to be like “God, what do you want me to do?” and wait for an answer, than it is to actually make a choice and take action. I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t ask God for guidance, absolutely we should, but sometimes (maybe even more often than not) I think He places something before us and not only lets us, but wants us to make a choice. It’s easy to say “I’m waiting on God,” and sit and do nothing. It takes courage to make a choice and trust God with that decision.

And so, as I am rapidly approaching my 12am deadline for today’s blog, I am ending abruptly, but am choosing to stay committed to completing what I started and finish on time.

May the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:7,8)