Letter to my former self

This was a writing assignment while in treatment at Timberline knolls (Feb-April 2007)


Dear Jennie Joy (14 years old),

Hey girl! I wanted to write to you to give you some words of wisdom to carry with you throughout the years. I know you don't listen much to your parents, but I'm asking you to listen to me because I know where you've been and I know where you're going.

You're young- stay that way! Don't rush to grow up only to wish to be a kid again. Take your time! Know that it's ok to make mistakes- learn from them, but don't run from them.

Don't worry so much about what other people think of you- it's really not that big a deal. If you don't agree with someone, just say it, don't pretend you do just to impress someone- it's not worth losing your voice over. Express yourself, don't hide behind a smile, be true to how you feel. If you keep it locked up, it will find a way out one day, and it won't be very pretty.

You'll come across some nice guys, one in particular. Hold on to your innocence, don't be so quick to give it up; and remind yourself that you're really not as old as you think you are. With the whole guy thing, take a little time to get to know yourself first before you try to get to know someone else. I know it may seem like the most important thing in the world to have a boyfriend at 14, but let's be honest, you don't know what you want at 14. If you really want to be loved, love yourself first. Only then will you be ready to love someone else.

Explore all the options life has to offer. Ask what life is about. Don't feel confined to any one church, one religion, one school, one home, one job, one name, one friend. See what's out there and find out for yourself. Don't be afraid to question, doubt, seek, look, wander. If you are truely looking for ultimate truth you will find it, and it won't matter where you looked, but know that you don't need facts or even answers to have faith. Remember that everyone is different, and different doesn't mean bad or good, it just means different. You may find truth long before any of your friends do, and it's ok. They may or may not find it, but don't let that take away from who you are. Offer help, but not at the expense of losing yourself.

Always remember that you do matter, no matter what anyone says. You are worth it. You are known, and loved anyway, no more pretending. Don't be afraid to ask for help, no one is strong enough to do it all on their own. Don't let your pride get in the way, which it will, often; in which case, just lay it down and surrender as best as you know how.

The world will tell you you need to be a certain way in order to be accepted. The truth is that you are loved just the way you are, yes, just the way you are! If you start comparing yourself to others you will soon find out just how unhappy it will make you, don't let it steal your joy. Share your joy, but guard it.

Be honest. In all things. Even the little ones. The truth hurts in the moment, but it heals in the long run. Don't let a little white lie turn into a life of lies. Stop, think, and tell the truth.

As for the superficial stuff, I want you to believe me when I say that no matter how much you think you need that name brand coat, or shirt, or whatever, you don't. It's ok that you want them, but learn to know the difference. If you realize you already have everything you need, you may realize you don't want much else.

I can't tell you about all the things you will go through, but I can say don't ever give up! Life is too short to give up. We've only got so much time, and it's just enough to be patient, but not enough to give up. So hang in there.

And finally, I'm not gonna lie, life is messy, kid. But it's worth it. Change is gonna come. Don't dwell on the past or focus on the future, but live life for today. Live with passion. Share your voice. Give your heart. And don't be afraid to give, but more so recieve, love... from yourself, from others, and from your Heavenly Father. May your journey dead end at His feet.


I love you girl... don't ever forget that!

Much love,
Jennie Joy (23 years old)