grown men cry

Now that the weather is getting warmer, we have a patio set up outside of Starbucks. Every night we have to pack it up and every morning we have to set it up. I never thought I would hate a patio so much.

Two mornings ago was my morning to set up the patio... oh joy. We were later than usual in setting it up because we had been pretty busy early on. As soon as we had a lull I set out to unlock, unleash and unveil the patio for all to enjoy at 6:00 in the morning.

As I was getting to my last table I could see a man walking up toward me from the corner of my eye. You know how, even though they may not be close to you yet, you can tell when a person is walking toward you and not past you? It was like that... I just knew he was walking up to me.

Sure enough, he got up to the patio (that had just been beautifully set up) and as he leaned against the gate I heard him say "Well, good morning young lady!" It was obvious he was homeless and had been wandering around all night.

I smiled, but before I could even respond he interrupted... "you know, may I ask you a question?"

"Sure," I said, "what's up?"

"I was just wondering what a guy has to do to get a cup of coffee?" Again, I tried to respond but he kept talking... "you see, my car got towed last night, I had to sleep on the street. I slept by the lake and now I'm frozen. By the way, my name's Adam..." He stuck out his hand to shake my hand and to be honest I hesitated for a second... for a Caucasian man, he had the blackest hands I had ever seen, but I stuck my hand out and shook Adam's hand.

Call me judgmental, but it was blatantly obvious the man did not own a car and therefore did not get it towed. I knew he wanted me to feel sorry for him thinking that would make me give him a coffee, but the truth of the matter is, I was already going to give him a cup of coffee.

Just as I was about to say "I'll give you a cup of coffee if you stop lying to me," he kept going... "my mom died last night. I lost my girl and my son, they moved to Arizona. Have you ever seen a grown man cry?"

He actually paused to let me answer... "once."

"Well you're about to see it happen right now if I can't get a cup of coffee. I almost hung myself last night. I just need a cup of coffee. I swear to you, when I get my car back I will come back here and pay you back. I will do anything, anything. Good things never happen to me. I swear to you I will come back here tomorrow and repay you."

He was literally whining at this point and I was seriously annoyed.

Normally I love engaging in conversation with new people, and I have a soft spot for the homeless people I encounter in the city, but this guy was different.

To be honest, it creeped me out that he could look me straight in the eye and say "I swear to you," knowing that he wasn't telling the truth. I didn't like it. While he was saying these things, he stopped another lady who was walking by... "hey, ma'am, can I please have a cigarette? My car got towed last night, I had to sleep on the street. My mom died. I lost my girl and my son. I almost hung myself last night."

Right at that point, my shift supervisor stuck her head out the door and mouthed "HELP," as it was getting really busy and I had left her in there by herself. Even though I didn't like that I was being lied to, I didn't want to walk away from the conversation just yet. Nonetheless, while he was bumming a cigarette I had to head inside.

While I was ringing people up I kept thinking to myself about taking him a cup of coffee and a sausage sandwich and asking him to tell me the truth... not because he owed it to me, but because I wanted him to know that he didn't have to lie.

The line of people kept getting longer and longer, and I kept getting frustrated because I just wanted to go back outside and talk to Adam, but I couldn't leave my supervisor on her own... obviously.

I kept ringing people and went to put a sausage sandwich in the oven when I saw Adam walk in. The line was long, but he maneuvered his way around people until he got straight up to the counter. Not being at the counter at that point, he looked at Heather, my shift supervisor and asked... "have you ever seen a grown man cry?"

My first thought was "OH man, that's the last person he should try to get a free cup of coffee from after cutting everyone in line to ask if she's seen a grown man cry." My second thought was "is this guy serious?"

Heather didn't answer his question, she just told him if he wanted something he would have to wait in line like everyone else.

Instead of waiting in line, he turned to the person he cut in front of and asked "have you ever seen a grown man cry?"

I couldn't believe it. I was seriously shocked.

I then heard Heather tell them that if wanted to get something he could wait in line, but he could not ask our customers for money.

I guess in an attempt to be polite, he walked to the middle of the line so Heather couldn't see him and began asking those people if they had ever seen a grown man cry. Mind you, he had yet to cry at this point.

He walked around to where I was standing and said "hello, beautiful" and smiled real big (even though he was down on his luck). "What are the chances of getting that coffee?" I was honest and said "right now not too good just cause it's really busy, but..." and before I could even finish he turned to a customer who just walked in and proceeded to tell them about how his car got towed, and his mom died, and he lost his girl and his son.

I was so frustrated with this guy. I would have given him a cup of coffee if he just would have waited for a second, but he didn't even give me the opportunity to do so.

As frustrated as I was, I can't say that I'm much different. Sometimes I'm so urgent about getting what I want when I want it that I completely miss out on the blessings that happen while waiting. I started to realize that that's how I act with God sometimes... a lot. I ask Him for something but before I let him answer, I remind Him that I am the victim and then list the numerous reasons why I think I should get it.

I'm so tired, and maybe that's why. Maybe I'm working too hard to try to make things go my way instead of resting while waiting. Maybe I need to slow down. Maybe I need to calm down. Maybe I need to give other people the opportunity to love, give and serve. Maybe I don't have to do everything. Maybe I'm not the victim. Maybe I need to stop pretending. Maybe I just need to trust God and know that healing will come... in His time.

Someone finally gave him $2. He waited in line and when he got up to the counter he handed me the $2 and asked for a cup of coffee. I handed him the coffee and I handed him his money back. "Don't worry about it," I said "you just had to wait."

Without saying thank you, he asked where McDonald's was so he could get a cheeseburger, and I realized... he completely missed the point.

Which made me realize, I completely miss the point... all the time. As soon as I get what I want, it's on to the next thing, without showing much gratitude.

Thank you, Lord, for being so patient with me.

Teach me how to wait on You.