a chord

We're leaving today.

I didn't accept this truth until this morning... and now I am heart broken.

How is it I find myself in another position of doing exactly what I don't want to do? I don't want to leave. I don't want to let go. I don't want it to be over.

We went on a river tour yesterday... on the Nile (not many people can say they have done that). There were hippos, water buck, and "gators," as we call them in the south... "big ol' gators!"

I want to go on describing the waterfalls and all the beautiful things we saw, but honestly, I can't... mainly because I didn't care.

Some might say it's because a fellow team mate (I won't name names, Gene) gave me a Dramamine before we got on the boat... and it wasn't until after I swallowed this tiny but powerful little pill that I became aware that it would make me drowsy.

So yes... I was tired, and I didn't mind falling asleep on the front of the boat while everyone took pictures of exotic animals, but that's not why I didn't care.

I didn't care because even though my body sat on that boat, my heart sat somewhere else. As corny as it sounds my heart sat, and is still sitting, in some little village, miles away, in the hands and arms of a bunch of little boys and girls in an outdoor classroom, with no running water, and barely enough food for lunch... if they have lunch.

My heart sat, and is still sitting, with their smiles and their laughs, with their songs and their dances, with their bare feet and their open arms.

While my eyes enjoyed the scenery of the Nile, my heart broke. I would do anything to hold that little girl again. I don't even know her name, but I would do anything to hold her again.

We pass some crocodiles, more hippos... massive things, and we approach Murchison Falls... some of the most powerful falls I have ever seen, and probably will ever see, in my life... but it paled in comparison to what it felt like to hold that little girl in my arms.

I miss her. I miss all of them. I haven't even left the country yet, but sitting here in our team house, with a fan blowing on me, thinking about all of my crap I have to pack up and take home, I miss her. I miss rocking her back and forth. I miss kissing her on her bald little head. I miss singing in her ear. I introduce her to Billy Joel and sing her his lullaby song... how appropriate for a time like this...

"Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes,
And save these questions for another day.
I think I know what you've been asking me,
I think you know what I've been trying to say.
I promised I would never leave you,
And you should always know,
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away...

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullaby,
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me.

Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabyes go on and on...
They never die
That's how you...
And I
Will be."







I've got nothing. I keep tyring to figure out how to end this... but I got nothing. I just held an orphan in Uganda, Africa and sang to her to dream about how wonderful her life will be. I can't wrap that up all pretty and say "the end."

All I can say is that it is not the end... not for her, not for me, not for any of them.

I will hold her again... and if not her, one of her. I will rock her back and forth. I will kiss her bald little head. I will sing in her ear again, and I will tell her how wonderful her life will be... and I will not let go until it is.

A chord has been struck within me... one that I realize I must keep playing.