spending

Today I am morning the loss of a friend...

the Polaroid camera.

Never again to be found in stores (aside from resale and thrift), the Polaroid camera and its sidekick, Polaroid film, have been officially discontinued as of February 5, 2010.

I went online and tried to buy film for a Polaroid camera today. The cheapest I found was $32.00 plus shipping. The most expensive was over $200... no joke.

Its as if as soon as Polaroid was discontinued, anyone who had any left in stock tripled the price and knew people would pay for it simply because they all of a sudden couldn't have it.

Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

I want what I can't have. Sometimes not even necessarily because I want it, but simply because I can't have it. And then I get it, and I realize I don't want it.

I know the cycle, yet I find myself repeating it.

Or let's say I legitimately do want something... not because I can't have it, or because I need it, but just because I want it.

Is that reason enough to get it?

I need to pay my bills. I want a Polaroid camera with film.

Last week I wanted to go to Africa. Last week I needed to pay my bills.

Going to Africa seems more of a noble cause to invest in than a Polaroid camera, but nonetheless, I can't justify going to Africa either simply because it is a "noble" cause. I still need to pay my bills.

I hate growing up.

Sometimes.

Right now BLICK (art store) has canvases on sale for 50-60% off. I want some new canvases. When and where else am I going to find canvases for that cheap? I need to get them now.

OK, I don't need to, but I want to.

I also need to get groceries for this week. And let's be honest, I don't want to but I need to.

It's funny how much I don't like spending money on the essential things in life and how willing I am to waste it on the latest trend.

Yuck.

I'm too tired to continue and I know my thoughts are scattered, but this is what it looks like to just write without days and days of proof reading and editing before posting an entry.

I always talk about being authentic, but I make sure I sound good when I do it.

I have a feeling this challenge of blogging everyday is going to be a bit harder than I thought. But I think it will be good. I have to set down my desire of wanting to come across as a good writer and just write, despite how I come across.

I still want a Polaroid camera, and some canvases, and a bike. I was hoping that would change by the end of this, but it hasn't. I realize it's OK to want those things, but it doesn't mean I need them.

I need to pay my bills, I need to buy some groceries, and I need to spend a whole lot more....



time in prayer.